
December 21, 2001
JIMMY MARCH TO REUNITE WITH VETIVERS FOR CHRISTMAS
It's official! Jimmy March fans will have their Christmas wish come true
this year at the Vetivers Christmas Extravaganza! Jimmy is expected to
perform four Jimmy classics with the band tomorrow night at Adrian's Cafe.
The band hopes this will finally put an end to the rumors that Jimmy died
in April. This will be Jimmy's first appearance with the band since they
lost the Battle of the Bands and got in a huge fight. Will there be
violence at this reunion? Find out tomorrow night!
December
10, 2001
VETIVERS WILL ACTUALLY BE READY FOR CONCERT
For the first time in history, The Vetivers are ready to go. With four
practices under their belts since their last concert, and an estimated 1-2
practices more to go, the Vetivers Christmas Extravaganza on December 22
will be the most well-rehearsed Vetivers concert ever. If there is any
concert that you shouldn't expect to see 2/3 of the band accidentally
forget to
repeat the chorus at the end of Brooklyn or three different, simultaneous
introductions to the same song, this is it. Also not to be expected is
the sight of singer Paul Solecki hastily writing the words to four songs
during the opening act. Furthermore, Paul won't have to show bassist
Clyde Kim how to hold the bass. And drummer Ben Champion certainly won't
sit on the
snare and hit his drum stool with the sticks at this concert.

November 21, 2001
BEN FINALLY GETS BEHIND THE WHEEL
Several months after he left The Vetivers, Jimmy March's dream has come
true. Yes, Ben Champion has his own car. The Vetivers drummer is the
proud owner of a 1989 Honda CRX with fancy red trim and no back seat. Ben
Champion lives two hours away from the other band members in the small town of Manhattan, KS, and due to this distance the band has
been limited to two or three practices a year. Now that Ben has his own
car, our experts have predicted that The Vetivers will increase their
annual practice totals from "two to three" to "three, maybe four!"

November 16, 2001
CLYDE MOVES INTO A BACHELOR PAD WITH HIS SISTER
All this week, Vetivers bassist Clyde "Sweet Balls" Kim has been moving
his stuff, and when he's done moving he will have his own bachelor pad
apartment near the corner of 119th and Quivira. His sister will also live
there.
Now Clyde can finally invite all the girls he meets back to his
place to get it on with him. He'll put on his maroon smoking jacket, some
jazz records from the early 70's, offer them a martini or a fine cigar,
and hope his sister doesn't come out of her room to get a drink of water
and notice him sprawled out on the zebra-stripe love seat with one
eyebrow raised. Man, would that be embarrassing!

October 18, 2001
THE CHURROS ARE BACK IN ACTION
The Churros, on hiatus since 1998, have begun practicing again and hope to
put on a concert soon in Lawrence. Kid Niko bassist Bryce Holt and
Vetivers guitarist/keyboardist Paul Solecki formed the band during the
summer of 1998 and made their
only public appearance at Jimmy March's house at a late night concert
before an audience of less than 10 people. Bryce is the chief songwriter
for the duo, and his recent works on bass and piano have been described by
Paul as masterpieces. The pair have had three practices in the past few
weeks and are looking forward to many more and an eventual concert.

October 17, 2001
VETIVERS REPORT THIRD QUARTER LOSS
In these tough financial times, everybody suffers. The Vetivers were the
latest organization to report third quarter losses, even after the layoff
of one guitarist earlier this year. Sales of the Vetivers CD,
Lights, have dropped from 2 units last quarter to only 1 unit this
quarter. Vetivers Headquarters has extrapolated this data and have come
up with a projected figure for next quarter, which the band is not
releasing.
"The last year has been tough," said drummer Ben Champion. "The world is
changing, and for every success there are thousands of failures,
especially in this business. We hope to change that with our announcement
today." The announcement Ben is referring to is the drop in price of the
Lights CD from $10 to $7. The music industry is looking forward to
the next quarterly report to see if this gamble paid off.

October 9, 2001
PAUL AND CLYDE NOT MISKAKEN FOR THE PROCLAIMERS
Tonight, no one asked Vetivers bandmates Paul Solecki and Clyde Kim how
things are going in Scotland. In fact, the entire time the two were at
the Proclaimers concert in Kansas City, no one mistook them for the famous
twin brothers that sing in the band, best known for the song "500 Miles."
When the real Proclaimers came out on stage, nobody did a
double-take, even though Paul and Clyde were a mere five feet in front of
them.
"What a relief," said Paul on the drive home. "Finally, some peace and
quiet." Clyde shook his head in agreement and the two drove forward into
the starlit sky, silently sharing the knowledge of the grave danger
from which they
had escaped
just moments before.

September
17, 2001
JIM KELLY REPORTS FROM NEW YORK
I'm searching for some entertaining angle at all of
this, but it's not
easy.
The last couple of days were like nothing I have ever known before.
Although I wasn't "directly" involved in all of that mess, simply being
in
New York made me a victim (but perhaps this is the same for anyone in
this
country? In the world??).
We stepped outside of our meeting on
Tuesday
morning (in the middle of a debate about our vacation policy) and
watched
smoke rise from the top of the horizon, then only from the bottom. The
rest
of the day was spent consoling friends who had lost other friends and
trying
to donate blood at the Red Cross.
We tried to get things back to normal the next couple days, but lost to
warnings of asbestos in the air and the constant presence of fighter
jets
screaming above us. I walked down Broadway, just north of Times
Square, at
4pm without a car or bus in sight. People were looking at each other
in the
eye with concern, waiters would talk with you a little longer, it
wouldn't
seem strange to see a group of strangers crying together around a wall
covered with photocopied pictures of "missing" people.
For the first time in my life, patriotism hasn't been some collection
of
cheesy rituals. We saw ad hoc marching bands charging up 6th Ave.
playing
"Yankee Doodle Dandy" in the same fashion that must have happened in
that
same place 200 years ago. American flags dominated the normally
authentic-looking Chinatown and immigrant-owned stores made a point of
putting large U.S. flags up to remove any doubt that they too were
victims
of the tragedy.
The only entertaining thing that comes to mind from Tuesday was when we
were
outside of the Fox News building, which was sending the updated
headlines
across their message board. Several sentences announced that the World
Trade Center had been hit by hijacked airplanes, announced that the
Pentagon
had also been hit, gave a quote of retaliation from President Bush,
then
gave a summary of the weather forecast from the newly released Farmer's
Almanac. Everyone was a bit confused, needless to say, at the news of
a
colder than average winter ahead of us; but we all hoped that it was
wrong.
Jim

September 7, 2001
KIEL JOHNSON NOW ON DISPLAY
The great Kiel Johnson, artist and longtime friend of The Vetivers, has
twenty
drawings on display at the Sherry
Leedy
Gallery in Kansas City! The exhibit, entitled "New Drawings," will be
at the gallery now through October 27. Vetivers guitarist Paul Solecki
was on hand at the premiere, and he liked what he saw.
"The art spoke to me," proclaimed Paul, "or at least I thought it was
speaking to me, then I realized it was someone behind the drawing.
Nevertheless, it was great seeing Kiel and his art again." Kiel's history
with The Vetivers is a deep one, as the band used his bedroom for
recording
the background vocals, keyboards, and secondary guitar and bass parts
during the 1999 Lights sessions. He didn't even mind when he came
home!
September 2, 2001
VETIVERS FINALLY HAVE A CAMPOUT
After years of talking about it, The Vetivers finally went camping. The
boys celebrated the success of their concert with Meep with a trip to
Clinton Lake in Lawrence. Vetivers groupie Amy "Woo" Wood was also in
attendance.
The trip was going fine until bassist Clyde Kim was carried off by a band
of spiders. Paul, Ben, and Amy searched for hours and finally found
Clyde's lifeless, half-eaten body in a web hanging from a large tree.
Luckily, Clyde's brain was still intact and they had just cloned him
before the trip, and Paul and Ben were able to place Clyde's old brain in
his new body. He's as good as new and ready for their next concert!
August 25, 2001
VETIVERS DEVELOP SCHEME TO IMPROVE
This afternoon the members of The Vetivers got together with a common
goal: to get better. Even though there was no audience and they were in
Paul's basement, the trio played their songs and gave each other
suggestions on what they can do to make the sound more enjoyable.
"I think we'll do this more often," said drummer Ben Champion. "This new
innovation could really make our concerts better. Paul, Clyde and I are
going to call this new ritual 'practice,' since it's almost like we're
practicing our songs." The Vetivers will officially begin recommending
"practicing" to other bands if their concert next weekend goes well.

August 23, 2001
VETIVERS SIGN COLOGNE ENDORSEMENT DEAL
In the great tradition of Michael Jordon and David Eternity, the
Guerlain company of Paris has
developed a fragrance to honor The Vetivers. Described as "fruity yet
strangely masculine," Vetiver, shown in the above advertisement,
has been taking Europe by storm. None of the band members actually wears
cologne, but rumor has it that if any female fan were to rub against Clyde
for a few hours, she could smell it!
August 19, 2001
ANOTHER "BIG" STAR SHAMEFULLY SIGNS AN AUTOGRAPH
Bodybuilder Flex Wheeler is the newest (and least legible) addition to
the Vetivers' autograph
collection. Clyde met the strongman and got the signed picture, which
will be on display along with the others at the next concert. The
Vetivers
are committed to expanding their collection and will continue to fool
themselves into thinking these people are actual fans.

July 23, 2001
THE RICH AND FAMOUS LOVE THE VETIVERS
The cast and writers from the great TV show "Mr. Show with Bob and
David" are among the celebrities to jump on the Vetivers
bandwagon. Although they have never heard any songs and can't remember
signing anything, the guys really think a lot of the band as is evident in
the group of autographs above. Who will be next? Go to the Vetivers
message board to nominate the next potential involuntary Vetivers
fan!

July 22, 2001
VETIVERS FANS BEWARE!
There are two Clyde Kims out there. One is the Clyde we know and love,
but the other is a mysterious impostor! Several people that have left
messages on the Vetivers guestbook have recieved suspicious emails
from the fake Clyde Kim with a file attached. This file contains a worm
virus that erases your hard drive. Of course, no Vetivers fan is dumb
enough to fall for this, and we hope that this will not stop people from
signing the guestbook
or leaving a message on the message board in the
future. If you have already downloaded the file, go to norton.com for the antidote.

June 1, 2001
TWO FEET FROM SCREECH
Tonight, Vetivers Paul Solecki and Clyde Kim had the pleasure of being two
feet away from Dustin Diamond, the actor who played Samuel
"Screech" Powers for nine years on Saved By The Bell. Along with friends
Bess Price and Bryan Ross, the bandmates enjoyed a long set of stand-up
comedy from the front row. Diamond was surprisingly entertaining, and The
Vetivers officially encourage all their fans to attend a Dustin Diamond
show next time he is in your town.
May 18, 2001
CELEBRATING EIGHT YEARS OF CARNIVOROUS GRASS
After the Vetivers concert tonight, Jim Kelly and Paul Solecki marked the
eigth anniversary of their very first performance together. Joined by Ben
Champion on drums, Carnivorous Grass made their first public appearance in
four and a half years. Several requests were made by the audience
members, including Justin Bradford, The Arrow Song, Jim's Dad's A Racist,
and a version of Love Is All Around. Longtime CG friend Gavin Budhram did
the honor of introducing the group. Keyboard and trumpet player Ryan
Ramon Griffin was scheduled to perform as well, but he never showed up!
May 18, 2001
FOUR YEARS OLD!
Today, Ben Champion and Paul Solecki celebrated four years as The
Vetivers. Even though he's only been in the band for about a month,
bassist Clyde Kim was equally happy at the big concert at Adrian's Cafe
tonight. The Vetivers premiered three new songs: A Tale Of Three Cities,
I Bet, and When The Vetivers Die. The audience was treated to a new
feature of Vetivers concerts to come, the multimedia presentation. For
the entire concert, two television sets played a long film edited by Clyde
Kim with his assistant Paul. Notables in the audience included former
Vetivers Jimmy March and Jim Kelly, along with Kyle and Bryce Holt of
Kid Niko fame.
May 4,
2001
PAUL AND CLYDE PROVIDE MORE ENTERTAINMENT THAN BASEBALL
Tonight at Kauffman Staduim, the crowd of 16,000 Royals fans were treated
to a beautiful sight on the Jumbotron. Paul danced while wearing his
trusty Kermit the Frog head, while Clyde revived his famous "Chinese
Man" character and bowed and made stereotypical Asian faces and
gestures. The boys got such a big response from the crowd that they got
an encore appearance on the screen, and Paul wore his big red sombrero the
second time around. The duo encountered some trouble exiting the
ballpark, as they were mobbed by several small groups of Kermit
fans. Strangely, no one mentioned Chinese Man!
April 26, 2001
STEVE MCCLERNON TO OPEN ON THE BIG DAY
It's official! The hairy, perverse entity known as Steve McClernon will
be the opening act for The Vetivers and Carnivorous Grass at the May 18
concert. This will be the second live performance of Steve's career, and
he will play guitar and sing original songs. Steve is a friend of Paul
and Clyde through work.
April 22, 2001
VETIVERS ANNOUNCE ANNIVERSARY CONCERT
The Vetivers, while in their fourth incarnation, will turn four years old
on Friday, May 18. To celebrate, there will be a concert at Adrian's
Cafe. Rumors of celebrities scheduled to appear are already surfacing in
Variety and similar publications, but keep checking this web site for the
only news officially approved by the band. There is no word as of yet as
to whether former Vetivers Pat Danko, Jim Kelly, or Jimmy March will make
special appearances.
April 21, 2001
VETIVERS SAVE THE
EARTH
The Vetivers helped save the planet by performing at the Earth Day in the
Park festival tonight in
Manhattan, KS. Ben Champion actually planned and was in charge of the
event with the Students for
Environmental Action, of which he is the president.
Clyde Kim's
premiere with the band was the first
really good Vetivers concert in a long time. The band showcased four new
songs: Brooklyn, Theo, Spooky Tricks, and Clyde's tune Cosmic
Excelsior. Everything went right for the band, and even their mistakes
sounded good. The boys got a big response from the small crowd and vows
to do give a good performance the next time their planet needs them,
which will probably be next Earth Day.
April 19, 2001
JIMMY QUITS BAND AFTER BEING KICKED OUT
The Vetivers are a smaller band now as Jimmy March, guitar and vocals, has
officially quit the
band in response to being kicked out yesterday afternoon. The music
industry hasn't been rocked like this since Pete Best "quit" the
Beatles! The expected
lineup change will not impact their performance at the upcoming Earth Day
concert this Saturday.
"I guess Jimmy just didn't want to be in a band that had already kicked
him out," said Vetivers spokesperson Paul Solecki, guitar and
keyboards. "Some people just can't handle that."
April 18, 2001
THE BATTLE IS LOST
The Vetivers had their worst concert ever today at the Johnson County
Community College Battle of the Bands. Aside from fighting on stage,
seriously messing up
every song they played, not being able to hear each other's instruments,
and having no one run sound, the concert went unexpectedly bad.
Clyde Kim managed to still make a succesful Vetivers debut despite the
circumstances, as he played bass for the first time in public remarkably
well for only playing bass two weeks. However, the lineup of the band is
very unstable right now, and the band may be a three-piece when they play
their eagerly anticipated Earth Day concert this Saturday.
April 12, 2001
CLYDE HAS LEARNED THE BASS!
It's official: Clyde can play the bass. Over the past week and a half,
he has been practicing nonstop and has conquered the instrument. Now I'm
not saying that he's as good as Pat Danko was. Why, even Jim looks like
an expert next to Clyde. The important thing is that Clyde actually put
effort into the band and is going to be an active participant. This is
the first time that there has been a bass player that has lived within 45
minutes of the rest of the band. Now if we can only get that bullet train
to Manhattan working...

April 2, 2001
CLYDE KIM: THE NEXT
JIM KELLY?
When Vetivers bassist Jim Kelly announced that he will not perform with
the band at their Saturday, April 21 Earth Day concert, the rest of the
band did not know where to turn. After hours of debate and a few phone
calls to British Prime Minister Tony Blair, the band has decided to give
Clyde Kim the opportunity of a lifetime (and by lifetime, we mean two
weeks).
Now there is one small detail left before the Vetivers are ready for Earth
Day: Clyde has to learn what a bass is, learn how to play it, practice
all day and all night, and conquer his case of stage fright, which has
been described by doctors in India as the worst case they have ever
seen!
March 15, 2001
JIM RETURNS TO THAILAND, LOCALS
UNIMPRESSED
There were no banners, cheers, or fireworks today as Vetivers bassist
James Patrick Kelly stepped off his plane in Thailand. And he stuck out
like
a sore, white thumb. Jim returns to America, "Land of Boredom," on the
24th.
March 14, 2001
DOCTORS SAY PAUL IS ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY
The stitches are out and the world's top physicians have released their
report from the Center for Vetivers Research in Brussels. The 238 page
document indicates that everything should heal correctly and the future of
The Vetivers is as bright as ever. Letters of sympathy and gifts should
be sent to
paul@vetivers.com .
March 5,
2001
PAUL TAKES TIME OFF THE GUITAR AFTER VIOLENT ATTACK
In an unfortunate incident at Adrian's Cafe, Vetivers frontman Paul
Solecki has to take some time off the guitar for a while. Paul got six
stitches in his left thumb after being attacked by an irate meat slicer at
the popular Overland Park hangout.
"I hate The Vetivers and everything they stand for," sneered Slicey, the
now infamous meat slicer. "I just wish I could have done more than cut
his thumb. Next time, I'm going for his neck!" Paul wrote a song on
the piano just a few hours after the attack, proving that nothing can
stop this invincible musical force.
February 10, 2001
MINI CARNIVOROUS GRASS REUNION AS ONE OF KID NIKO GETS HITCHED
Following the wedding reception of Kyle Holt and his new wife Kim, Paul and Jim took over
the piano of the Wichita Hyatt Regency Hotel for a brief Carnivorous Grass concert. They
played songs such as "Justin Bradford," "Ms. Wheelchair USA," "The Pirates of
Liechtenstein," and "The Great Egress" before an audience that consisted of such notable
figures from the CG/Kid Niko era as Bess Price, Bryce Holt, and those long-haired rascals from
the concert at Jim's Dad's house, Dylan and Kent!
February 9, 2001
CLYDE
KIM WINS VETIVERS VALENTINE'S CONTEST
The Vetivers wish to congratulate our fan Clyde Kim for winning the
Vetivers Valentine's Day contest. He wins a free Vetivers love song in
honor of the special holiday. As soon as the song is available, it will
be put on the web site for all to listen to. How did he do it?
"Well," sighed Vetivers spokesperson Paul Solecki, "he was the
only one to enter." The band is reportedly upset that nobody else entered
the contest. What the hell is wrong with you guys anyway? You always lie
about coming to our concerts, and now this!! There are 60 people on our
Virtual Vetivers mailing list, and only one person entered the contest!
"When Paul told me that no one else had entered," explained Clyde
Kim, "I thought that I'd have a good chance so I sent him an email. USA
Baby!" Click here
to
find out more about Clyde Kim.
January
20, 2001
PAUL AND BEN PLAY SPONTANEOUS MANHATTAN CONCERT
Putnam Hall, a dorm at Kansas State University, was the scene of a
sudden and unexpected Vetivers concert featuring Paul and Ben from the
band. The two decided to put on the show around 10 pm, then wrote a few
songs and went out to eat and were on stage by midnight. At least, they
would have been had there been a stage.
At the concert, the band played two new songs and introduced two new
instruments to their already diverse collection. Ben played his new
cajon, a drum that is sat upon while played, and Paul gave his first
public ukulele performance to an audience that was estimated at
somewhere between 8 and 10.
"It was fine," proclaimed Ben Champion shortly after the show. Both
Paul and Ben hope to do some similar concerts in the near future with the
rest of the band.
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